Courtney was composing this last post around Oct. 8 2014 when she was at the hospital with Tyler for his choking incident. She did not get to finish it, because this is when she started getting the headaches. When I have the time to do it properly, I will add final post to her blog detailing her final weeks.
Thanks, Mark
I apologize for not updating more often. I have had a couple of people ask if there was anything new and there kind of is. My life is kind of crazy and it's hard for me to find down time that I don't need to use for sleeping.
As I type this, I am on a chemo break. I started my weekly infusions two weeks after my son's birth, but was only able to squeeze in four treatments before my blood counts (both hemoglobin and platelets) tanked again. At first, the plan was just one week off and then resume treatment. When my counts still hadn't come up, I was given a shot called Procrit that is designed specifically for boosting red blood cells in patients receiving chemotherapy. After the shot, I was given another two weeks off to let the numbers come back up. After that two week break, I had my blood drawn again and the platelet count had gone up, but the hemoglobin had dropped even lower! I was scheduled for a blood transfusion the next day.
I had been feeling off. I had been feeling tired. I was chalking it up to the chemo accumulation and get getting up 2-3 times a night with a new baby. I didn't realize that it could be that my hemoglobin was dangerously low at 6.3. Medical professionals were surprised that I was carry about my normal daily activities. Now the concern is WHY it is having trouble coming back up. My doctor has two theories. Either this specific chemo is too hard on my bone marrow, which is where the blood is made, or there are metastases in the bone marrow standing in the way of blood production. He's not too convinced on the latter since my white blood cells remained stable and my platelets came up. It was just the hemoglobin I seem to be having a problem with. After the transfusion, my level came back up to 10.4.
I have another PET scan scheduled for this coming Wednesday (10/15). I have been having persistent lower back pain that at first I thought might just be because I've been walking unassisted all the time now. However, it's not better in the morning after sleeping all night or worse at night after walking all day. It's pretty much a constant ache. So doc wants to rule out more metastases. He also thinks now is a good time to evaluate how my body is responding to this chemo in regard to getting rid of the cancer. If it has been effective, he may keep me on it and just change my schedule. If it has not been effective, changing to a different drug will be justified.
I have become a part of a couple of cancer communities since original diagnosis and a couple more since the stage four diagnosis. I need a place where I can bounce ideas, ask for opinions, and hear the been there done that stories. Unfortunately, being friends with so many who have cancer means that I see death, too. More so than in "real life." (Even though I have suffered losses in real life, too.) I grieve for friends and families left behind. I grieve for children who are left without mothers. Cancer STOLE these lives! Each time, it's tough, but when I see someone who has worn the same kind of shoes as me...
I start to ponder my own death. How long do I really have? This disease IS going to kill me (unless I die in a car crash or other fluke accident). 6 months? A year? 5 years? Will this new baby know me? Will my older children remember me? Will I see my oldest graduate high school? What about my youngest? It scares me but more than that, makes me sad. My family didn't sign up for this.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
The Birth Day and the PET Scan
Baby is here! I am in awe of how well he is doing. I'll admit that the whole process leading up to delivery was pretty scary.
I was admitted on Monday morning (7/28) for the second steroid shot. After getting my lab results back, it was determined that my hemoglobin and my platelets were really low. I would be receiving a transfusion of blood and of platelets I order to make sure things were safe for surgery the following day. The platelets arrived pretty quickly and I was transfused with those by Monday afternoon. The blood, on the other hand, didn't arrive until 10:00 at night. Because I have certain antibodies, the blood has to go through an extra screening to make sure it doesn't have those antigens. (Remember the whole problem with my baby's blood?) Transfusing that late posed a small problem. I was supposed to have 6 hours of a magnesium sulfate drip prior to surgery. My surgery was scheduled for 8:00am. They turned the pump on for as quickly as I could tolerate and I was done with my two units of blood by 1:00am. They started my magnesium and I dozed for a couple of hours.
Around 4:00 in the morning, they drew my blood again to make sure things were safe for surgery. Around 6:00 in the morning, I was informed that my platelets were still only 37 (should be 50 for surgery and 100 in order to perform the "awake" cesarean section). My OB made the call to go ahead with delivery, but we had to get more blood and platelets to make sure I was safe in case things went bad. Again, we had to wait and wait for blood because it needed the extra screen. 8:00 came and went. 12:00 came and went. Finally around 1:00, we were informed that the blood had made it to the hospital and we were looking at a 3:00 surgery. At 2:30, we were informed that someone else wanted to use the operating room and my doc said NOPE.
My beautiful son was born at 2:53pm weighing 3lb9oz. Of course as soon as we got to the OR, I was put under anesthesia, so I didn't get to meet him until a couple of hours later. My surgery was finished without any complications. Even though there was risk and concern of hemorrhage, I was told that I barely bled more than normal. When they brought my son out to see my husband, he wailed upon being unwrapped. Things could not have gone better.
On Wednesday, the resident OB let me know that my OB and my oncologist were suggesting another transfusion for me. My body had just been through shock, essentially, and thy wanted to make sure I could actually be discharged in a decent condition. They still had the blood from the previous day (I didn't NEED it!), so I agreed. I felt terrible. I had been feeling terrible- chemo + pregnancy + surgery will do that. By the time I was done being transfused, I was also done being bedridden. I asked my nurses to take out my catheter and unhook me from my pump for pain meds (which also meant taking off the pulse oximeter on my finger and the respiration monitor at my neck). I finally felt better. But then I felt so much worse. Wednesday night was a really rough night. I had only been up out of bed once on Wed. Trying again during the night took not one but two nurses. I was in so much pain not only because of my incision but my legs and hips too. I had no idea how to manage it all together.
Thursday morning, the resident OB asked when I wanted to go home. I almost cried. I told her "not today." If the overnight had been more successful, I might have thought about going home that day, but I just didn't feel comfortable with that. However, throughout the day I got more and more confident. I dressed myself. I slept a lot. I visited with my son. I was able to use the bathroom on my own. When Friday came, I felt ready to go home. The OB wrote up my discharge papers and my oncologist checked in on me. He told me that my platelets were still incredibly low even though my hemoglobin had come back up. I was instructed to page the oncologist on call if I had ANY problems after being discharged. Luckily, I have not.
Before I left the hospital, I was contacted to schedule my PET scan. The PET scan is the *big* test we were waiting for. It tells my oncologist where else the cancer is. We know it's in the femurs and pelvis because of x-ray and biopsy. It gives the radiation oncologist a framework on where we need to radiate. It gives the orthopedic oncologist images that will help determine type of surgery (pins? whole hip replacement? none at all?). I went through this test this past Wednesday (8/6). I was injected with a radioactive dye that shows uptake in rapidly reproducing cells (cancer)...
And that leads us to today. How lucky am I that I got to consult with 3 different doctors all within and hour of each other? But we have results and we have a plan. I wish I had good news to share with everyone, but cancer is an ugly beast and I didn't exactly get lucky. I guess if there IS good news, it is that there was no cancer detected in any of my vital organs. My liver, lungs, spleen, etc., look good. My bones on the other hand, don't fare as well. We knew it was in the femurs and pelvis. There is a LOT of it in the pelvis. There is also a tumor on my C2 vertebrae that the doctors are very concerned about. I had no clue. Now all of a sudden, I am hit with the realization that paralysis could happen at any time. This tumor is not only close to my spinal cord, but close to my brain as well.
So what is the plan of action? I start radiation on Monday (8/11). We'll be radiating the tumor in my neck in hopes of getting rid of it. We'll also be radiating my hip/femoral head in order to both shrink the cancer and to bring me pain relief. I also start back on chemo next week in order to shrink/get rid of everything else. I'll continue the same weekly regimen that I was doing before delivery. I'm hoping I can handle it better NOT being pregnant. According to the doctors, the radiation and the chemo complement each other- they help each other to be more effective. These next couple of weeks will be tough on my body, but they'll be tough on the cancer, too. I will also receive a shot of a drug called Xgeva, which helps with bone building.
My older two children will be attending a camp next week specifically for kids who have parents that battled cancer. (Camp Kesem). I am really looking forward to what they can experience there. That also leaves me alone time with the (now) second youngest. I'm looking forward to that too. And while I wish the youngest could be at home with us already, I know he's in good hands and will continue to get stronger and gain weight and be home soon. Thank you all for your continued prayers and well wishes. And a BIG thank you to those who have volunteered time for me as well as the food and gift cards. We appreciate it more than you know.
I was admitted on Monday morning (7/28) for the second steroid shot. After getting my lab results back, it was determined that my hemoglobin and my platelets were really low. I would be receiving a transfusion of blood and of platelets I order to make sure things were safe for surgery the following day. The platelets arrived pretty quickly and I was transfused with those by Monday afternoon. The blood, on the other hand, didn't arrive until 10:00 at night. Because I have certain antibodies, the blood has to go through an extra screening to make sure it doesn't have those antigens. (Remember the whole problem with my baby's blood?) Transfusing that late posed a small problem. I was supposed to have 6 hours of a magnesium sulfate drip prior to surgery. My surgery was scheduled for 8:00am. They turned the pump on for as quickly as I could tolerate and I was done with my two units of blood by 1:00am. They started my magnesium and I dozed for a couple of hours.
Around 4:00 in the morning, they drew my blood again to make sure things were safe for surgery. Around 6:00 in the morning, I was informed that my platelets were still only 37 (should be 50 for surgery and 100 in order to perform the "awake" cesarean section). My OB made the call to go ahead with delivery, but we had to get more blood and platelets to make sure I was safe in case things went bad. Again, we had to wait and wait for blood because it needed the extra screen. 8:00 came and went. 12:00 came and went. Finally around 1:00, we were informed that the blood had made it to the hospital and we were looking at a 3:00 surgery. At 2:30, we were informed that someone else wanted to use the operating room and my doc said NOPE.
My beautiful son was born at 2:53pm weighing 3lb9oz. Of course as soon as we got to the OR, I was put under anesthesia, so I didn't get to meet him until a couple of hours later. My surgery was finished without any complications. Even though there was risk and concern of hemorrhage, I was told that I barely bled more than normal. When they brought my son out to see my husband, he wailed upon being unwrapped. Things could not have gone better.
On Wednesday, the resident OB let me know that my OB and my oncologist were suggesting another transfusion for me. My body had just been through shock, essentially, and thy wanted to make sure I could actually be discharged in a decent condition. They still had the blood from the previous day (I didn't NEED it!), so I agreed. I felt terrible. I had been feeling terrible- chemo + pregnancy + surgery will do that. By the time I was done being transfused, I was also done being bedridden. I asked my nurses to take out my catheter and unhook me from my pump for pain meds (which also meant taking off the pulse oximeter on my finger and the respiration monitor at my neck). I finally felt better. But then I felt so much worse. Wednesday night was a really rough night. I had only been up out of bed once on Wed. Trying again during the night took not one but two nurses. I was in so much pain not only because of my incision but my legs and hips too. I had no idea how to manage it all together.
Thursday morning, the resident OB asked when I wanted to go home. I almost cried. I told her "not today." If the overnight had been more successful, I might have thought about going home that day, but I just didn't feel comfortable with that. However, throughout the day I got more and more confident. I dressed myself. I slept a lot. I visited with my son. I was able to use the bathroom on my own. When Friday came, I felt ready to go home. The OB wrote up my discharge papers and my oncologist checked in on me. He told me that my platelets were still incredibly low even though my hemoglobin had come back up. I was instructed to page the oncologist on call if I had ANY problems after being discharged. Luckily, I have not.
Before I left the hospital, I was contacted to schedule my PET scan. The PET scan is the *big* test we were waiting for. It tells my oncologist where else the cancer is. We know it's in the femurs and pelvis because of x-ray and biopsy. It gives the radiation oncologist a framework on where we need to radiate. It gives the orthopedic oncologist images that will help determine type of surgery (pins? whole hip replacement? none at all?). I went through this test this past Wednesday (8/6). I was injected with a radioactive dye that shows uptake in rapidly reproducing cells (cancer)...
And that leads us to today. How lucky am I that I got to consult with 3 different doctors all within and hour of each other? But we have results and we have a plan. I wish I had good news to share with everyone, but cancer is an ugly beast and I didn't exactly get lucky. I guess if there IS good news, it is that there was no cancer detected in any of my vital organs. My liver, lungs, spleen, etc., look good. My bones on the other hand, don't fare as well. We knew it was in the femurs and pelvis. There is a LOT of it in the pelvis. There is also a tumor on my C2 vertebrae that the doctors are very concerned about. I had no clue. Now all of a sudden, I am hit with the realization that paralysis could happen at any time. This tumor is not only close to my spinal cord, but close to my brain as well.
So what is the plan of action? I start radiation on Monday (8/11). We'll be radiating the tumor in my neck in hopes of getting rid of it. We'll also be radiating my hip/femoral head in order to both shrink the cancer and to bring me pain relief. I also start back on chemo next week in order to shrink/get rid of everything else. I'll continue the same weekly regimen that I was doing before delivery. I'm hoping I can handle it better NOT being pregnant. According to the doctors, the radiation and the chemo complement each other- they help each other to be more effective. These next couple of weeks will be tough on my body, but they'll be tough on the cancer, too. I will also receive a shot of a drug called Xgeva, which helps with bone building.
My older two children will be attending a camp next week specifically for kids who have parents that battled cancer. (Camp Kesem). I am really looking forward to what they can experience there. That also leaves me alone time with the (now) second youngest. I'm looking forward to that too. And while I wish the youngest could be at home with us already, I know he's in good hands and will continue to get stronger and gain weight and be home soon. Thank you all for your continued prayers and well wishes. And a BIG thank you to those who have volunteered time for me as well as the food and gift cards. We appreciate it more than you know.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
It's All A Blur
Whew, I guess when it was time to act, it was time to act! This past month really has been a whirlwind, a haze, a blur.
I did in fact start my chemo regimen on July 2 in order to get this ball rolling. The oncologist put me on a low dose because of the baby. Three of my weekly treatments is a normal "round" administered at once. So a normal infusion would be one treatment and then a three week break. Doing it this way was supposed to be easier on my body/baby, but it caught up with me pretty quick. When my labs were run after my first treatment, all of my blood count levels came back low. In fact, when I went in for my second infusion, the nurse scared me to death, saying that we might not be doing chemo that day. I cried. My treatment is time sensitive. I didn't have a week to push back treatment. We needed to squeeze in my "round" so that we could deliver baby boy. After my tears, my explanation, and a talk with the doctor, the nurse apologized for being misinformed but also told me that in order to receive chemo the following week, I would need to have a blood transfusion. My blood counts were only going to get lower. I went in on a Tuesday for the transfusion and received my third chemo infusion the following day.
That was my third infusion, the end of the first "round." When I went in the following week (this past Tues) for my check-up, we again found that my blood counts were extremely low. My oncologist made the decision to cancel my chemo for this week, but also made the call to my obstetrician to get me set up for delivery. Instead of standing still, we're going to get things done. I know I state things "matter of factly," but I do experience emotion too. I am SO incredibly exhausted- not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Going through cancer treatment sucks. Going through pregnancy can suck. Put them both together?? Luckily, only a very small percentage of people will have to experience it. I posted a definition for nadir on Facebook a couple of days ago. It's a noun, it means the lowest point. That day was more than likely my lowest point in my blood counts. It was also a very low point mentally for me. Waking up and doing this day after day takes a lot of strength and a person can only push so much before needing a rest.
So today I am resting. I am preparing myself for the birth of my son and the chaos that will follow. I have to report to the hospital tomorrow morning (7/27) to get the first of two shots that will prepare his lungs for birth. I will then come home to get things in order to be admitted on Monday morning (7/28). On Monday morning, I will get the second of the two shots and have an IV started so that they can give me an infusion (I don't remember of what) that will help prevent any brain bleeds in my premature baby boy. They will also check my blood counts to make sure I am ready for surgery and will perform another blood transfusion if necessary. If all goes according to plan, I will meet my son on Tuesday, July 29th.
After delivery, I will be able to have the rest of what I need done. The first step will be imaging. I will hopefully have a PET scan during this week. The oncologist needs it to see if the cancer is anywhere else in my body and the radiation oncologist needs it to plan the radiation. Chemo and radiation can be done concurrently and we all have our fingers crossed that it will relieve the pain in my hips and legs. We're looking for this to start the next week. I will also need a CT scan of my femurs and pelvis so that the orthopedic oncologist can set up a surgery. I have been on bedrest since we saw the last x-rays. The ortho thinks I need pins in my femoral head, that's how thin it looked. This surgery may or may not be pushed out a little while, it all depends on the imaging and how my body responds to chemo, radiation, and the bone building drug I will receive once I am no longer pregnant.
I have had generous offers to help set up a meal train during this chaotic time. I never know where I'll be, what I'll be doing, or how I'll feel, so I very much appreciate these efforts. There will be appointments and tests and visits to the NICU, along with the fighting and healing... If you are interested in dropping anything off for my family, I will try to get you the details asap. If you are interested in helping out in any other way, just let me know. A lot of people ask me what I "need," but I have no idea. What I need is to get rid of this beast and I would more than appreciate ANY way you would want to help.
I did in fact start my chemo regimen on July 2 in order to get this ball rolling. The oncologist put me on a low dose because of the baby. Three of my weekly treatments is a normal "round" administered at once. So a normal infusion would be one treatment and then a three week break. Doing it this way was supposed to be easier on my body/baby, but it caught up with me pretty quick. When my labs were run after my first treatment, all of my blood count levels came back low. In fact, when I went in for my second infusion, the nurse scared me to death, saying that we might not be doing chemo that day. I cried. My treatment is time sensitive. I didn't have a week to push back treatment. We needed to squeeze in my "round" so that we could deliver baby boy. After my tears, my explanation, and a talk with the doctor, the nurse apologized for being misinformed but also told me that in order to receive chemo the following week, I would need to have a blood transfusion. My blood counts were only going to get lower. I went in on a Tuesday for the transfusion and received my third chemo infusion the following day.
That was my third infusion, the end of the first "round." When I went in the following week (this past Tues) for my check-up, we again found that my blood counts were extremely low. My oncologist made the decision to cancel my chemo for this week, but also made the call to my obstetrician to get me set up for delivery. Instead of standing still, we're going to get things done. I know I state things "matter of factly," but I do experience emotion too. I am SO incredibly exhausted- not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Going through cancer treatment sucks. Going through pregnancy can suck. Put them both together?? Luckily, only a very small percentage of people will have to experience it. I posted a definition for nadir on Facebook a couple of days ago. It's a noun, it means the lowest point. That day was more than likely my lowest point in my blood counts. It was also a very low point mentally for me. Waking up and doing this day after day takes a lot of strength and a person can only push so much before needing a rest.
So today I am resting. I am preparing myself for the birth of my son and the chaos that will follow. I have to report to the hospital tomorrow morning (7/27) to get the first of two shots that will prepare his lungs for birth. I will then come home to get things in order to be admitted on Monday morning (7/28). On Monday morning, I will get the second of the two shots and have an IV started so that they can give me an infusion (I don't remember of what) that will help prevent any brain bleeds in my premature baby boy. They will also check my blood counts to make sure I am ready for surgery and will perform another blood transfusion if necessary. If all goes according to plan, I will meet my son on Tuesday, July 29th.
After delivery, I will be able to have the rest of what I need done. The first step will be imaging. I will hopefully have a PET scan during this week. The oncologist needs it to see if the cancer is anywhere else in my body and the radiation oncologist needs it to plan the radiation. Chemo and radiation can be done concurrently and we all have our fingers crossed that it will relieve the pain in my hips and legs. We're looking for this to start the next week. I will also need a CT scan of my femurs and pelvis so that the orthopedic oncologist can set up a surgery. I have been on bedrest since we saw the last x-rays. The ortho thinks I need pins in my femoral head, that's how thin it looked. This surgery may or may not be pushed out a little while, it all depends on the imaging and how my body responds to chemo, radiation, and the bone building drug I will receive once I am no longer pregnant.
I have had generous offers to help set up a meal train during this chaotic time. I never know where I'll be, what I'll be doing, or how I'll feel, so I very much appreciate these efforts. There will be appointments and tests and visits to the NICU, along with the fighting and healing... If you are interested in dropping anything off for my family, I will try to get you the details asap. If you are interested in helping out in any other way, just let me know. A lot of people ask me what I "need," but I have no idea. What I need is to get rid of this beast and I would more than appreciate ANY way you would want to help.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Stage IV
I'm pretty sure I knew from the beginning. When I started having pains in my hips and legs that were nothing I ever experienced before, I knew the cancer had spread. Trying to remain optimistic was tough, so others did it for me. I appreciate everyone who tried to find alternative explanations or who believed it had to be a fluke. But it is what it is, and it is metastatic breast cancer.
The biopsy procedure went well. I was incredibly uncomfortable most of the day due to not thinking about bringing my pain medication to the hospital with me. It took longer than we expected to get me set up, but I was only under for 30-45 minutes. The doc who did the procedure, an interventional radiologist, punctured a spot down by my knee and drilled my bone. Because he had the help of CT equipment, he chose the furthest spot away from baby. When I woke, I was surprised and impressed with just how little my "wound" was. It was actually smaller than a couple of scars from biopsies they did of my breast.
After the biopsy was over, they monitored me for a while. Due to the previous day's activity, I had been having contractions before I even showed at the hospital. Due to being in pain and being dehydrated, they continued on after. Knowing the signs and symptoms, my anesthesiologist ordered a fluid bolus. By the time I got to labor and delivery and got hooked up, there was nothing to be concerned about. We stuck around for a couple of hours anyway and I was released in no more pain than I went in with.
I waited over a week and then got tossed into a whirlwind. I met with my oncologist yesterday for my results. He told me what I already knew, but he also laid out the next steps. He gave me the plan of action which involves starting chemotherapy all over again- TOMORROW. There will be no more sitting around growing a healthy baby, waiting until it's time to do something. The time is now. I will be infused once a week with a drug called carboplatin. As long as no other complications arise, we will continue this regimen until about 34 weeks when we will deliver my son in order to get even more aggressive.
Other complications are very likely to arise. I also saw the radiation oncologist yesterday as we were hoping to start radiation as soon as possible as well. They were going to focus on the spots that are in my distal femur (by my knee), but after he reviewed my latest x-rays, he realized the worst spot was way too close to baby to radiate. My femoral head, right where my femur meets my hip, appears very thinned. So much that he is concerned about it breaking, leaving me in need of a hip replacement. This is the area that is causing me that most amount of pain, so it makes sense, but is still pretty scary. I absolutely have to have this area radiated as soon as possible, and so the question was raised- how soon is to soon to deliver baby?
After talking with my OB and my perinatologist today, I am still too soon. So as of now, we go with the chemo plan and pray it slows the cancer growth really well. I also have movement restrictions so as not to put too much pressure on that area. Obviously, since I have a growing baby snuggled right in there, it will be harder than hard. I was bumped up to a small dose of morphine in order to help control the pain, as the previous med I was on just wasn't providing enough relief. I pray that once treatment starts, the pain will lessen as the growth stops.
My friends have reinitiated the Strength for Courtney campaign. If you were interested in purchasing a t-shirt but missed out, you have another chance. https://www.booster.com/strengthforcourtney2
Wish me luck and strength as I face the next steps tomorrow...
The biopsy procedure went well. I was incredibly uncomfortable most of the day due to not thinking about bringing my pain medication to the hospital with me. It took longer than we expected to get me set up, but I was only under for 30-45 minutes. The doc who did the procedure, an interventional radiologist, punctured a spot down by my knee and drilled my bone. Because he had the help of CT equipment, he chose the furthest spot away from baby. When I woke, I was surprised and impressed with just how little my "wound" was. It was actually smaller than a couple of scars from biopsies they did of my breast.
After the biopsy was over, they monitored me for a while. Due to the previous day's activity, I had been having contractions before I even showed at the hospital. Due to being in pain and being dehydrated, they continued on after. Knowing the signs and symptoms, my anesthesiologist ordered a fluid bolus. By the time I got to labor and delivery and got hooked up, there was nothing to be concerned about. We stuck around for a couple of hours anyway and I was released in no more pain than I went in with.
I waited over a week and then got tossed into a whirlwind. I met with my oncologist yesterday for my results. He told me what I already knew, but he also laid out the next steps. He gave me the plan of action which involves starting chemotherapy all over again- TOMORROW. There will be no more sitting around growing a healthy baby, waiting until it's time to do something. The time is now. I will be infused once a week with a drug called carboplatin. As long as no other complications arise, we will continue this regimen until about 34 weeks when we will deliver my son in order to get even more aggressive.
Other complications are very likely to arise. I also saw the radiation oncologist yesterday as we were hoping to start radiation as soon as possible as well. They were going to focus on the spots that are in my distal femur (by my knee), but after he reviewed my latest x-rays, he realized the worst spot was way too close to baby to radiate. My femoral head, right where my femur meets my hip, appears very thinned. So much that he is concerned about it breaking, leaving me in need of a hip replacement. This is the area that is causing me that most amount of pain, so it makes sense, but is still pretty scary. I absolutely have to have this area radiated as soon as possible, and so the question was raised- how soon is to soon to deliver baby?
After talking with my OB and my perinatologist today, I am still too soon. So as of now, we go with the chemo plan and pray it slows the cancer growth really well. I also have movement restrictions so as not to put too much pressure on that area. Obviously, since I have a growing baby snuggled right in there, it will be harder than hard. I was bumped up to a small dose of morphine in order to help control the pain, as the previous med I was on just wasn't providing enough relief. I pray that once treatment starts, the pain will lessen as the growth stops.
My friends have reinitiated the Strength for Courtney campaign. If you were interested in purchasing a t-shirt but missed out, you have another chance. https://www.booster.com/strengthforcourtney2
Wish me luck and strength as I face the next steps tomorrow...
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Next Steps
I'll be honest, taking steps is HARD. Physically and mentally. Things got really rough really quick. Over the past couple of weeks, my pain level has become so unmanageable that I was taken off work and bought myself a walker. I was not expecting that since the last x-rays showed no distinguishable progression of the lesions in my bones. I have not been able to sleep despite eating my pain meds like candy.
I guess I'll start off with all the follow-ups from the last blog post. The unbearable pain in my ribs that no one could give me an answer for turned out to be a popped rib due to baby boy's rear end. Being out of place was stressing muscles and poking into organs. Once the chiropractor was able to pop it back in, it felt better and was mostly healed about a week and a half later. However, I am now dealing with bruised ribs on the opposite side because of baby boy's feet. He sure is giving me a run for my money!
And while we're on the subject of baby, it turns out that he DOES have the antigen that my body is trying to fight. Right now we're doing dopplers on his mid cerebral artery in his brain every two weeks to make sure that his blood flow still looks good. If things start to go downhill, it will become more often and intervention may be needed. Currently his numbers look fine, and even though his growth percentile has dropped in the past 4 weeks (from 70th to 35th), it's still normal and not time to panic.
So for the next two weeks, I focus on resting. I'm going to try to fatten this child up while taking pressure off my legs and pelvis. I have my bone biopsy surgery scheduled for June 20. When I hobbled into the oncologists office last week and expressed my concern over all my symptoms and the fact that my pain increased so quickly, he sent me for another set of x-rays immediately. After the previous set had come back "okay," the plan was to get me in for a MRI of pretty much my whole body as that would give us some insight to the symptoms I've been having, like dizziness, weight loss, etc. An MRI without contrast is considered the safest scan for baby. But I found out upon trying to schedule the MRI that it was in fact NOT safe, as I still have tissue expanders in and those have metal I them. NO metal is safe with magnetic resonance imaging. Then the plan became- call the plastic surgeon and either do the surgery for the swap or just remove them so I can have the MRI done. We never got to that point...
When the oncologist got the results of the last x-ray, he decided we'd just skip the MRI for now. We need to start treatment on the bones. He ordered the biopsy so that we have an answer SOON as to what these lesions are. Yes, they are growing, and yes they are consistent with metastases. They cannot just be ignored. Once the pathology comes back from the biopsy, we will know how to proceed. Biopsy will tell us if in fact it is malignant and what type of chemo to use. The reason we're skipping the MRI is because chemo will be systemic- even though we're specifically looking at my femurs and pelvis, it should help any other areas with metastases as well. Because I'll be 27 weeks at the time of biopsy, it is considered "safe" to proceed with chemo in the third trimester. All other scans and treatments can wait until after baby boy makes his arrival.
So that's where I'm at. I know what the next steps will be, I just have to take it one day at a time. If you're interested, a couple of friends of mine (some I've never even met in person!) have put together a fundraiser/support campaign for me. Would you rock a "Team Courtney" shirt? You can find details here: https://www.booster.com/strengthforcourtney?share=2541401403636172 Just as an FYI, the deadline for ordering is the 14th of June.
Thank you all for the continued support and prayers. I cannot wait to put this all behind me.
I guess I'll start off with all the follow-ups from the last blog post. The unbearable pain in my ribs that no one could give me an answer for turned out to be a popped rib due to baby boy's rear end. Being out of place was stressing muscles and poking into organs. Once the chiropractor was able to pop it back in, it felt better and was mostly healed about a week and a half later. However, I am now dealing with bruised ribs on the opposite side because of baby boy's feet. He sure is giving me a run for my money!
And while we're on the subject of baby, it turns out that he DOES have the antigen that my body is trying to fight. Right now we're doing dopplers on his mid cerebral artery in his brain every two weeks to make sure that his blood flow still looks good. If things start to go downhill, it will become more often and intervention may be needed. Currently his numbers look fine, and even though his growth percentile has dropped in the past 4 weeks (from 70th to 35th), it's still normal and not time to panic.
So for the next two weeks, I focus on resting. I'm going to try to fatten this child up while taking pressure off my legs and pelvis. I have my bone biopsy surgery scheduled for June 20. When I hobbled into the oncologists office last week and expressed my concern over all my symptoms and the fact that my pain increased so quickly, he sent me for another set of x-rays immediately. After the previous set had come back "okay," the plan was to get me in for a MRI of pretty much my whole body as that would give us some insight to the symptoms I've been having, like dizziness, weight loss, etc. An MRI without contrast is considered the safest scan for baby. But I found out upon trying to schedule the MRI that it was in fact NOT safe, as I still have tissue expanders in and those have metal I them. NO metal is safe with magnetic resonance imaging. Then the plan became- call the plastic surgeon and either do the surgery for the swap or just remove them so I can have the MRI done. We never got to that point...
When the oncologist got the results of the last x-ray, he decided we'd just skip the MRI for now. We need to start treatment on the bones. He ordered the biopsy so that we have an answer SOON as to what these lesions are. Yes, they are growing, and yes they are consistent with metastases. They cannot just be ignored. Once the pathology comes back from the biopsy, we will know how to proceed. Biopsy will tell us if in fact it is malignant and what type of chemo to use. The reason we're skipping the MRI is because chemo will be systemic- even though we're specifically looking at my femurs and pelvis, it should help any other areas with metastases as well. Because I'll be 27 weeks at the time of biopsy, it is considered "safe" to proceed with chemo in the third trimester. All other scans and treatments can wait until after baby boy makes his arrival.
So that's where I'm at. I know what the next steps will be, I just have to take it one day at a time. If you're interested, a couple of friends of mine (some I've never even met in person!) have put together a fundraiser/support campaign for me. Would you rock a "Team Courtney" shirt? You can find details here: https://www.booster.com/strengthforcourtney?share=2541401403636172 Just as an FYI, the deadline for ordering is the 14th of June.
Thank you all for the continued support and prayers. I cannot wait to put this all behind me.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Worst Case Scenario
Well, it doesn't look like the worst case scenario is what I thought it was when I got pregnant or even 2 months ago when I shared the pregnancy news with everyone. The plan was to watch tumor markers and rescan after baby arrived and get aggressive then if something should have arisen.
Something has arisen. A couple of things actually. I guess I'll start with the pain: After the intense morning sickness subsided and I managed to get my hemoglobin levels up, I started noticing achiness and feeling "off." Being that this is my fourth baby, I simply chalked it up to being pregnant. I mentioned it to both my OB and my oncologist and they weren't too concerned either. Until my tumor markers went up and the ache became PAIN. My hips hurt. My thigh bones hurt. Regular Tylenol wasn't touching it. I was waddling and limping already. Around 16-17 weeks, I asked to do something about it. I was sent ASAP for an x-ray of my pelvis, lower back, and femurs as that was where the pain radiated from. (Sounds like pregnancy pain, right?) Doc called me later that same day to report that radiologist found "sclerotic lesions consistent with bone metastases." Even as I know the pain I was feeling wasn't normal, I was not expecting THAT. Because I was still so early in pregnancy, the oncologist was hesitant to order any more tests or procedures. The focus needed to be on growing a healthy baby, so I was prescribed narcotics for pain relief.
Because I was favoring certain parts of my body, I managed to throw out my spine in my lower back. This pain was totally different than the other pain- pinching versus throbbing. In most positions I felt it and there was nothing I could do about it. The two different issues combined made it almost impossible for me to function. I couldn't stand. I couldn't sit. I couldn't lay down. It took all I had to get through work (I now only work 12 hours a week) and when I came home I was useless. I HATE feeling like that. That's not who I am. Because I knew the two issues were not the same, I decided to see a chiropractor for the first time in my life. I was really hoping for immediate relief, but it didn't come. Sure I felt better, but I didn't feel whole. I continued with my appointments, if only for the massage I got while there. :) It turns out that after 6 adjustments, I no longer have that pinching pain. (The leg and hip pain is still there.)
And because I decided to go to the chiropractor, I am now "half-chested." The tissue expander that had been radiated popped. I woke up last weekend to one side of my chest being almost completely deflated. To be honest, I never really even thought of that problem. I know plenty of women who have implants who see chiropractors for adjustments. I assumed the fact that they were thick tissue expanders made them even more resilient than regular saline or silicone implants. I guess not. I guess it was bound to happen- to me. However, I will say that I would rather be half-chested than to continue to be in the excruciating pain that I was. At least I can carry about daily tasks. I saw the plastic surgeon right away and he said that there is essentially no risk to leaving things as is. He would be willing to coordinate surgery schedules to exchange the expanders for my permanent implants IF I have to have surgery before baby's arrival. However, the same concept applies as before- he will not do an elective surgery on a pregnant woman. If we have to wait, we have to wait. If we have to start the expansion process all over again, then it is what it is.
I also got the news last week that the focus on growing a healthy baby before we start the fight against the cancer again might be in vain. Some of you know, some of you don't, that I have certain antibodies that make me high risk during pregnancy. Both of my boys had to be monitored closely while in utero to make sure that my body did not attack them. I have monthly titre level checks to make sure that the antibody levels stay low and are not on the offensive. Guess who's antibodies are now on the offensive? Yeah, this girl's. My levels jumped from week 15 to week 20 to double the amount that doctors start to worry. They never got that high with the previous two pregnancies, especially at only 20 weeks. Because of the whole cancer thing and because no major complications occurred with the last two pregnancies, this wasn't exactly at the forefront of my mind. Silly me for thinking things would be smooth sailing.
I had an amniocentesis on Friday, May 9th to see if baby has the antigen that my body seems to be trying to fight. This baby will also be closely monitored by ultrasound to make sure he doesn't become anemic and stop growing and thriving. As of Friday, 21 weeks, his estimated weight was already 1 pound, which is good. My perinatologist is already talking about intrauterine blood transfusions for baby, and that scares the crap out of me. My amnio was traumatic (worse than any "awake" cancer treatment I have had!) and a transfusion would be done the same way. However, of course I would take any action that will keep baby safe and healthy- including delaying any cancer treatment that might be needed or enduring in utero transfusions.
I found myself in the hospital on Tuesday night. I had been having soreness in my upper abdomen for a couple of days when I just couldn't catch my breath anymore. The severe pain is right under/below my lowest left rib. I can't sit up, I can't bend over, I can't reach, I can't lift. I can't take deep breaths. Something is definitely up. When I got to the hospital, they took my word for it that it really had nothing to do with baby. (This is my fourth one, I'm pretty aware.) They did a physical exam which was excruciating. The OB that was there that night order a whole bunch of labs to check all my organ functions. And guess what came back normal? I have not been running a fever. The symptoms are *only* severe pain and swelling. He had no answers for me. We left the hospital with a prescription for some stronger narcotics and the assumption that it's either a pulled muscle in my rib cage or a popped/cracked rib.
Because we got no answers from the hospital, my oncologist sent me for ultrasounds and xrays today. These will be the comparison ones to see any progression of the sclerotic lesions (I'm already referring to them as metastases though have yet to be diagnosed as such) as well as looking at my vital organs for any abnormalities and looking at the rib area for clues on what the pain is. I don't go back to see him until next Wednesday, the 21st. I figure if there is something emergent, he'll call me, but if not, I just continue to take one day at a time.
So what's the plan from here on out? Well, one day at a time. The longer I can keep myself and baby boy healthy, the better. I'm trying to take it easy, but that's a lot easier said than done- I'm still working and I've got three kids I have to be responsible for. The results of the x-rays will determine the need for either immediate or delayed attention to the cancer. If things have progressed quickly in the past 5 weeks, we will have to do a bone biopsy surgery under general anesthesia (perhaps coordinating surgery with an implant swap?). That will determine TYPE of treatment. I am able to do chemo in my third trimester if it comes down to it. The amnio results will determine level of care for baby. If the results are positive for the antigen, ultrasounds will probably be weekly. If antibodies continue to increase and baby develops anemia, we do the intrauterine transfusion. If that doesn't work, we deliver early.
I just want to feel good again. I can't help but wonder "what next?" all the time. Are little aches and pains just that or do they mean something else? But it is what it is. With the new day comes new strength. It's tough and incredibly frustrating, but there is no other choice. I appreciate any and all prayers for my family, my baby boy, and myself.
Something has arisen. A couple of things actually. I guess I'll start with the pain: After the intense morning sickness subsided and I managed to get my hemoglobin levels up, I started noticing achiness and feeling "off." Being that this is my fourth baby, I simply chalked it up to being pregnant. I mentioned it to both my OB and my oncologist and they weren't too concerned either. Until my tumor markers went up and the ache became PAIN. My hips hurt. My thigh bones hurt. Regular Tylenol wasn't touching it. I was waddling and limping already. Around 16-17 weeks, I asked to do something about it. I was sent ASAP for an x-ray of my pelvis, lower back, and femurs as that was where the pain radiated from. (Sounds like pregnancy pain, right?) Doc called me later that same day to report that radiologist found "sclerotic lesions consistent with bone metastases." Even as I know the pain I was feeling wasn't normal, I was not expecting THAT. Because I was still so early in pregnancy, the oncologist was hesitant to order any more tests or procedures. The focus needed to be on growing a healthy baby, so I was prescribed narcotics for pain relief.
Because I was favoring certain parts of my body, I managed to throw out my spine in my lower back. This pain was totally different than the other pain- pinching versus throbbing. In most positions I felt it and there was nothing I could do about it. The two different issues combined made it almost impossible for me to function. I couldn't stand. I couldn't sit. I couldn't lay down. It took all I had to get through work (I now only work 12 hours a week) and when I came home I was useless. I HATE feeling like that. That's not who I am. Because I knew the two issues were not the same, I decided to see a chiropractor for the first time in my life. I was really hoping for immediate relief, but it didn't come. Sure I felt better, but I didn't feel whole. I continued with my appointments, if only for the massage I got while there. :) It turns out that after 6 adjustments, I no longer have that pinching pain. (The leg and hip pain is still there.)
And because I decided to go to the chiropractor, I am now "half-chested." The tissue expander that had been radiated popped. I woke up last weekend to one side of my chest being almost completely deflated. To be honest, I never really even thought of that problem. I know plenty of women who have implants who see chiropractors for adjustments. I assumed the fact that they were thick tissue expanders made them even more resilient than regular saline or silicone implants. I guess not. I guess it was bound to happen- to me. However, I will say that I would rather be half-chested than to continue to be in the excruciating pain that I was. At least I can carry about daily tasks. I saw the plastic surgeon right away and he said that there is essentially no risk to leaving things as is. He would be willing to coordinate surgery schedules to exchange the expanders for my permanent implants IF I have to have surgery before baby's arrival. However, the same concept applies as before- he will not do an elective surgery on a pregnant woman. If we have to wait, we have to wait. If we have to start the expansion process all over again, then it is what it is.
I also got the news last week that the focus on growing a healthy baby before we start the fight against the cancer again might be in vain. Some of you know, some of you don't, that I have certain antibodies that make me high risk during pregnancy. Both of my boys had to be monitored closely while in utero to make sure that my body did not attack them. I have monthly titre level checks to make sure that the antibody levels stay low and are not on the offensive. Guess who's antibodies are now on the offensive? Yeah, this girl's. My levels jumped from week 15 to week 20 to double the amount that doctors start to worry. They never got that high with the previous two pregnancies, especially at only 20 weeks. Because of the whole cancer thing and because no major complications occurred with the last two pregnancies, this wasn't exactly at the forefront of my mind. Silly me for thinking things would be smooth sailing.
I had an amniocentesis on Friday, May 9th to see if baby has the antigen that my body seems to be trying to fight. This baby will also be closely monitored by ultrasound to make sure he doesn't become anemic and stop growing and thriving. As of Friday, 21 weeks, his estimated weight was already 1 pound, which is good. My perinatologist is already talking about intrauterine blood transfusions for baby, and that scares the crap out of me. My amnio was traumatic (worse than any "awake" cancer treatment I have had!) and a transfusion would be done the same way. However, of course I would take any action that will keep baby safe and healthy- including delaying any cancer treatment that might be needed or enduring in utero transfusions.
I found myself in the hospital on Tuesday night. I had been having soreness in my upper abdomen for a couple of days when I just couldn't catch my breath anymore. The severe pain is right under/below my lowest left rib. I can't sit up, I can't bend over, I can't reach, I can't lift. I can't take deep breaths. Something is definitely up. When I got to the hospital, they took my word for it that it really had nothing to do with baby. (This is my fourth one, I'm pretty aware.) They did a physical exam which was excruciating. The OB that was there that night order a whole bunch of labs to check all my organ functions. And guess what came back normal? I have not been running a fever. The symptoms are *only* severe pain and swelling. He had no answers for me. We left the hospital with a prescription for some stronger narcotics and the assumption that it's either a pulled muscle in my rib cage or a popped/cracked rib.
Because we got no answers from the hospital, my oncologist sent me for ultrasounds and xrays today. These will be the comparison ones to see any progression of the sclerotic lesions (I'm already referring to them as metastases though have yet to be diagnosed as such) as well as looking at my vital organs for any abnormalities and looking at the rib area for clues on what the pain is. I don't go back to see him until next Wednesday, the 21st. I figure if there is something emergent, he'll call me, but if not, I just continue to take one day at a time.
So what's the plan from here on out? Well, one day at a time. The longer I can keep myself and baby boy healthy, the better. I'm trying to take it easy, but that's a lot easier said than done- I'm still working and I've got three kids I have to be responsible for. The results of the x-rays will determine the need for either immediate or delayed attention to the cancer. If things have progressed quickly in the past 5 weeks, we will have to do a bone biopsy surgery under general anesthesia (perhaps coordinating surgery with an implant swap?). That will determine TYPE of treatment. I am able to do chemo in my third trimester if it comes down to it. The amnio results will determine level of care for baby. If the results are positive for the antigen, ultrasounds will probably be weekly. If antibodies continue to increase and baby develops anemia, we do the intrauterine transfusion. If that doesn't work, we deliver early.
I just want to feel good again. I can't help but wonder "what next?" all the time. Are little aches and pains just that or do they mean something else? But it is what it is. With the new day comes new strength. It's tough and incredibly frustrating, but there is no other choice. I appreciate any and all prayers for my family, my baby boy, and myself.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Postponing Procedures
Three months ago, I was expecting this post to contain all sorts of different news. I was expecting to be sharing the success of my implant exchange surgery and hysterectomy. I was expecting to have undergone another PET scan and share the news that the spots still present the same. Instead, I want to share with all my followers that these procedures are being postponed.
It turns out that they don't do elective procedures on pregnant women. I'll have to wait at least another 8 months to resume. I'll let you take a minute to digest that. I know it took me a LOT longer than a minute to digest that news.
To be completely honest, my first thought when that line on the pee stick turned pink was, "Holy crap, we screwed up." So many emotions flooded me. Shock, anger, sadness. I kept waiting for the happiness to kick in. I was shocked because of course I was taken by surprise. I had discussed my hysterectomy (due to the BRCA1 gene mutation) with my doctor not even a month before. My chemo treatments had thrown me into what is referred to as "chemopause," and when my cycles returned, they weren't exactly textbook. Never in a million years did I think I would have more children. I had accepted that and made peace with that. I was angry because things were just starting to look up. I was making plans to go for my Master's degree. We had left behind the baby phase. We were going to leave behind the cancer phase. I felt as though pregnancy was a set back. I was sad too. I still live in fear of cancer. I still talk about "when" it comes back and not "if." I'm sad because now instead of leaving my husband with three children if I die, I now leave four. How is that fair? To him? To them?
But, as I have said all along, it is what it is. Perhaps it's time for plan xyz. It happens. It has definitely happened more than once (100 times?) to me, but I just accept it and move on. I talked to my oncologist early on and he congratulated me. He is not concerned with the actual pregnancy as I was already considered with "no evidence of disease." My cancer was not fueled by hormones, so it is assumed that the pregnancy hormones will not fuel cancer regrowth. It truly does make me nervous that I won't have the follow up PET to look at the "spots" again, but the doctor said we'll just do it once baby arrives. The worst case scenario is to get aggressive after delivery.
My hysterectomy will take place 6 weeks after delivery (so long as there is still no evidence of disease). I think the first question I asked my OB at my initial visit was "Can we do a C-section and a hysterectomy at the same time?" This can't happen again. I cannot put myself and my family at risk by waiting any longer. Unfortunately, even though tubes can be tied during a section, removing vital parts is too risky immediately after delivery. Everything is stretched and very vascular, so bleeding risk is astronomical. In other words- definitely not a good idea. So now we're hoping for another uncomplicated vaginal delivery, normal healing, and then a laparoscopic hysterectomy 6 weeks after.
After I heal from birth and hysterectomy, I will have my tissue expanders swapped for my permanent implants. I still have "boulders" in place and I'm even more looking forward to providing "pillows" for this new little person, I just wish that we didn't have to wait so long. Next winter is going to be pretty busy for me. Lots of procedures and lots of healing. If you pray, I'd love you to ask for me to be able to handle all that healing as well as the healing from my original battle.
Obviously, due to everything my body has been through the past year and a half, this pregnancy is proving to be really had on my body. My very first inclination that I might be pregnant was a severe gag reflex. I remember a couple instances where it took one smell and I vomited. As soon as I had a positive pregnancy test, I also had morning sickness. I went through craving something only to smell it and become nauseated. I went through taking my vitamins and 10 minutes later puking them up. And of course I couldn't eat for the first half of the day. Now that I'm almost 13 weeks along (due the middle of September), most of that has subsided. However, now I'm dealing with some nasty anemia symptoms. When my blood was drawn at 8 weeks, my hemoglobin came back VERY low. The OB told me to get on iron supplements ASAP, but even those don't seem to be helping. I am incredibly exhausted every single day. I struggle to make it through. If I am not able to nap, I'm sleeping by 8-8:30. The past couple of days I have been having extreme weakness, achiness, headaches, and dizziness. I had blood drawn and will see the oncologist on Wednesday to see what he thinks is the cause or what the plan of action should be. It's really hard to go about my daily activities feeling like this all the time.
After expressing interest in volunteering my hands and time to the Cassie Hines Shoes Cancer Foundation, I have been invited to attend their board of directors' meetings. I am so very excited to get involved with his awesome organization and can't to see what my future with them has in store. I will be going back to school when the time is right and I am hoping to be able to provide professional services for them eventually. http://www.cassiehinesshoescancer.org/
The next chapter of my life isn't as I expected it to be. But two years ago, I had no inkling that I would be where I am now. Life is funny like that, you know? It is what it is. We move forward with what we have been given. XOXO to all my readers!
It turns out that they don't do elective procedures on pregnant women. I'll have to wait at least another 8 months to resume. I'll let you take a minute to digest that. I know it took me a LOT longer than a minute to digest that news.
To be completely honest, my first thought when that line on the pee stick turned pink was, "Holy crap, we screwed up." So many emotions flooded me. Shock, anger, sadness. I kept waiting for the happiness to kick in. I was shocked because of course I was taken by surprise. I had discussed my hysterectomy (due to the BRCA1 gene mutation) with my doctor not even a month before. My chemo treatments had thrown me into what is referred to as "chemopause," and when my cycles returned, they weren't exactly textbook. Never in a million years did I think I would have more children. I had accepted that and made peace with that. I was angry because things were just starting to look up. I was making plans to go for my Master's degree. We had left behind the baby phase. We were going to leave behind the cancer phase. I felt as though pregnancy was a set back. I was sad too. I still live in fear of cancer. I still talk about "when" it comes back and not "if." I'm sad because now instead of leaving my husband with three children if I die, I now leave four. How is that fair? To him? To them?
But, as I have said all along, it is what it is. Perhaps it's time for plan xyz. It happens. It has definitely happened more than once (100 times?) to me, but I just accept it and move on. I talked to my oncologist early on and he congratulated me. He is not concerned with the actual pregnancy as I was already considered with "no evidence of disease." My cancer was not fueled by hormones, so it is assumed that the pregnancy hormones will not fuel cancer regrowth. It truly does make me nervous that I won't have the follow up PET to look at the "spots" again, but the doctor said we'll just do it once baby arrives. The worst case scenario is to get aggressive after delivery.
My hysterectomy will take place 6 weeks after delivery (so long as there is still no evidence of disease). I think the first question I asked my OB at my initial visit was "Can we do a C-section and a hysterectomy at the same time?" This can't happen again. I cannot put myself and my family at risk by waiting any longer. Unfortunately, even though tubes can be tied during a section, removing vital parts is too risky immediately after delivery. Everything is stretched and very vascular, so bleeding risk is astronomical. In other words- definitely not a good idea. So now we're hoping for another uncomplicated vaginal delivery, normal healing, and then a laparoscopic hysterectomy 6 weeks after.
After I heal from birth and hysterectomy, I will have my tissue expanders swapped for my permanent implants. I still have "boulders" in place and I'm even more looking forward to providing "pillows" for this new little person, I just wish that we didn't have to wait so long. Next winter is going to be pretty busy for me. Lots of procedures and lots of healing. If you pray, I'd love you to ask for me to be able to handle all that healing as well as the healing from my original battle.
Obviously, due to everything my body has been through the past year and a half, this pregnancy is proving to be really had on my body. My very first inclination that I might be pregnant was a severe gag reflex. I remember a couple instances where it took one smell and I vomited. As soon as I had a positive pregnancy test, I also had morning sickness. I went through craving something only to smell it and become nauseated. I went through taking my vitamins and 10 minutes later puking them up. And of course I couldn't eat for the first half of the day. Now that I'm almost 13 weeks along (due the middle of September), most of that has subsided. However, now I'm dealing with some nasty anemia symptoms. When my blood was drawn at 8 weeks, my hemoglobin came back VERY low. The OB told me to get on iron supplements ASAP, but even those don't seem to be helping. I am incredibly exhausted every single day. I struggle to make it through. If I am not able to nap, I'm sleeping by 8-8:30. The past couple of days I have been having extreme weakness, achiness, headaches, and dizziness. I had blood drawn and will see the oncologist on Wednesday to see what he thinks is the cause or what the plan of action should be. It's really hard to go about my daily activities feeling like this all the time.
After expressing interest in volunteering my hands and time to the Cassie Hines Shoes Cancer Foundation, I have been invited to attend their board of directors' meetings. I am so very excited to get involved with his awesome organization and can't to see what my future with them has in store. I will be going back to school when the time is right and I am hoping to be able to provide professional services for them eventually. http://www.cassiehinesshoescancer.org/
The next chapter of my life isn't as I expected it to be. But two years ago, I had no inkling that I would be where I am now. Life is funny like that, you know? It is what it is. We move forward with what we have been given. XOXO to all my readers!
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