I was warned that each treatment would become harder and harder to bounce back from. I most definitely agree. I had been feeling "good" the weekends in between treatments, but this past weekend was just "okay." Luckily I didn't experience any severe yuckiness, but the blah lasted a lot longer. Treatment #4 is on Thursday (10/25) and this will be the last one of the Adriamycin/Cytoxen drug combination. Treatment #5 begins a drug called Taxol.
I went for another ultrasound on October 12th for measurement of the tumor. It seemed to measure the same size, but the radiologist said it looked like edema in the surrounding tissue, which could indicate tumor cells breaking up. This is progress, so treatment will stay on track- no need to move up the mastectomy. We're looking at that surgery for the end of January or beginning of February. Reconstruction will depend on what is found in the lymph nodes and the need for radiation after surgery.
The bills are coming in. I'm so frustrated. A 20% copay isn't so bad when a person is perfectly healthy and only needs medications every once in a while... But when a someone is sick and needs expensive tests and medicines and surgeries, that 20% is a LOT. We're chipping away at them, but it seems as soon as I pay on one, another one shows up. It makes my anger at the whole cancer thing so much worse.
Tentative Treatments-
#4 10/25
#5 11/8
#6 11/21
#7 12/5
#8 12/19
Monday, October 22, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
Some Pictures
I have wanted to post pictures, but I just now figured out how! I think I mentioned I was new to whole blogging thing? Let me know if you have questions or want to see more. (Yes, eventually I will share the hot pink wig pictures.)
Mammogram of my left breast:
That bright white spot immediately set off red flags- "suspicious of malignancy." I would say so! Search out what a "normal" mammogram looks like.
The pre-chemo haircut:
I knew I would be losing it, so I had a friend cut it almost immediately.
The shaved head:
This is today, specifically to post on the blog.
My port placement:
One of the reasons that I am already too self conscious to wear low cut shirts.
Adriamycin: The red devil
Notice the nurse's hazmat suit? They are pumping that poison inside me, along with another chemo drug called Cytoxen.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
2 Down, More to Go
I think I'm recovering well from Treatment #2. The weekend was definitely better than treatment #1 since I made the decision not to take the specific anti nausea medicine. I still wasn't able to DO anything, but at least I was present for my family. (Thanks Mom, for spending time with the kids and cooking for us.) However, the frustration and depression really hit on Monday/Tuesday following. I found myself wondering if all this is even worth it. (Of course it is! But those thoughts still invaded my mind.)
I have reached out to an organization called the Young Survival Coalition, which is a community of women who were all diagnosed with breast cancer at age 40 and UNDER. This disease affects younger women so differently than older women and I need people who have been in my shoes. When I was so sore and tired and my boys' energy made me want to throw up, I asked them how they did it. How did they make it through the chemotherapy and multiple surgeries and radiation and the cancer LIFE... The thing that stuck with me was that they did it one day at a time. Some days are better, some days are worse. Of course when the poison that is chemo is coursing through my veins, I'm not going to feel good. I'll want to sleep. I'll need someone else to take care of my children so I can take care of myself. But tomorrow won't present the same as today. I just have to get through one day at a time.
Today I'm feeling pretty good. I'm going in public with my shaved head. Hey, it's breast cancer awareness month, I want people to be aware of my breast cancer. It started falling out almost immediately after treatment #2, so my wonderful husband shaved it for me. We match now. :) I have a wig and scarves and hats, but I really don't feel the need to use them...
Just something I want to touch on during breast cancer awareness month- Please Pink Responsibly. Do you know where your money is going when you purchase something with a pink ribbon on it? Is it going to me or other warriors? Or is it simply for the profit of whatever company produces it? Is it going to research, for a cure? Is it going to organizations and foundations who take financial burdens off warriors and survivors? I'm all for pink (happens to be my favorite color!), but I'd rather see donations go to reputable places than see a "portion of proceeds" go to that vague place I've never heard of. We're all aware of breast cancer, we're now even aware of breast cancer in a younger generation. If you need input on how to pink responsibly, I'd be happy to help.
And if you want to help me/us directly, food is always good. :)
Editing to add:
I had a follow up with my oncologist today. Just to discuss the side effects from the weekend and to look at my blood count. Everything seems to be going pretty good. Except my tumor doesn't seem to be shrinking. Granted I've only had two treatments, the size is quite large and we were hoping for something noticeable/measurable. He wants me to have an ultrasound to more accurately measure it (we have one from August to compare it to). IF for some reason the tumor has grown, we will pause the chemo and get my mastectomy done. Which means treatment will be prolonged as I have to heal enough from the bmx enough before starting treatment again.
I also received the results of my genetic test today. It turns out that I am positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation. According to my literature, this means that my lifetime (to age 70) of breast cancer is 87% and my lifetime risk of ovarian cancer is 44%. Also, my risk of breast cancer recurring after 5 years is 27%. If you factor in my "triple negative" cancer make-up, which is more aggressive and not treated with targeted therapies, I'm pretty confident in my decision to completely remove both breasts. I now have to make the decision of when to have my ovaries removed, because 44% is like saying 1 out of 2. I am NOT taking that chance. I will NOT be doing this again down the road. (And for any of my blood family reading this, you might think about getting tested too. I have no idea where the gene mutation came from. Where is the history of breast or ovarian cancer?)
A couple of links specifically about MY type of cancer:
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/idc
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis/trip_neg/behavior
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/genetic/pos_results
I have reached out to an organization called the Young Survival Coalition, which is a community of women who were all diagnosed with breast cancer at age 40 and UNDER. This disease affects younger women so differently than older women and I need people who have been in my shoes. When I was so sore and tired and my boys' energy made me want to throw up, I asked them how they did it. How did they make it through the chemotherapy and multiple surgeries and radiation and the cancer LIFE... The thing that stuck with me was that they did it one day at a time. Some days are better, some days are worse. Of course when the poison that is chemo is coursing through my veins, I'm not going to feel good. I'll want to sleep. I'll need someone else to take care of my children so I can take care of myself. But tomorrow won't present the same as today. I just have to get through one day at a time.
Today I'm feeling pretty good. I'm going in public with my shaved head. Hey, it's breast cancer awareness month, I want people to be aware of my breast cancer. It started falling out almost immediately after treatment #2, so my wonderful husband shaved it for me. We match now. :) I have a wig and scarves and hats, but I really don't feel the need to use them...
Just something I want to touch on during breast cancer awareness month- Please Pink Responsibly. Do you know where your money is going when you purchase something with a pink ribbon on it? Is it going to me or other warriors? Or is it simply for the profit of whatever company produces it? Is it going to research, for a cure? Is it going to organizations and foundations who take financial burdens off warriors and survivors? I'm all for pink (happens to be my favorite color!), but I'd rather see donations go to reputable places than see a "portion of proceeds" go to that vague place I've never heard of. We're all aware of breast cancer, we're now even aware of breast cancer in a younger generation. If you need input on how to pink responsibly, I'd be happy to help.
And if you want to help me/us directly, food is always good. :)
Editing to add:
I had a follow up with my oncologist today. Just to discuss the side effects from the weekend and to look at my blood count. Everything seems to be going pretty good. Except my tumor doesn't seem to be shrinking. Granted I've only had two treatments, the size is quite large and we were hoping for something noticeable/measurable. He wants me to have an ultrasound to more accurately measure it (we have one from August to compare it to). IF for some reason the tumor has grown, we will pause the chemo and get my mastectomy done. Which means treatment will be prolonged as I have to heal enough from the bmx enough before starting treatment again.
I also received the results of my genetic test today. It turns out that I am positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation. According to my literature, this means that my lifetime (to age 70) of breast cancer is 87% and my lifetime risk of ovarian cancer is 44%. Also, my risk of breast cancer recurring after 5 years is 27%. If you factor in my "triple negative" cancer make-up, which is more aggressive and not treated with targeted therapies, I'm pretty confident in my decision to completely remove both breasts. I now have to make the decision of when to have my ovaries removed, because 44% is like saying 1 out of 2. I am NOT taking that chance. I will NOT be doing this again down the road. (And for any of my blood family reading this, you might think about getting tested too. I have no idea where the gene mutation came from. Where is the history of breast or ovarian cancer?)
A couple of links specifically about MY type of cancer:
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/idc
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis/trip_neg/behavior
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/genetic/pos_results
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Pinch Me, Please.
It really does feel like a dream. 3 months ago, I was worried about getting in all my internship hours and finally finishing school. Now that I'm done with school, I have to worry about fighting cancer. I didn't really think this was the "next step" in my life. Honestly, I didn't think that cancer would evade me, I always knew it could happen, but at 28? Isn't it supposed to be for post-menopausal women? But obviously cancer doesn't discriminate.
Now I'm recovering from my first round of chemotherapy and the haze that was this past weekend. I've been told that it only gets worse as treatment goes on- that it is harder to bounce back after each infusion- and I can't help but wonder HOW? The doctors decided on a dose dense treatment because I'm young and supposedly can handle it, but I'm really not sure I can. I've got three of my own children that I need to take care of, plus three other ones that I WANT to take care of. This is not me. I cannot be weak.
As I updated, Saturday was spent in bed. I remember barely anything. No vomitting, thank goodness, but I discovered that the meds that were keeping me from throwing up were actually causing me to not be able to keep my eyes open. When there's a warning on the bottle that says "May cause blurred vision," I might want to think twice about taking it. I feel SO much better since cutting that out. I'm definitely not 100% yet. Or even 90%. I'm probably about 75%, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get back to the 90% in order to have my little boy's birthday this weekend.
Right now, the most unpleasant thing I'm dealing with (aside from the this weekend) is the icky mouth. Chemo kills new cells, so all the cells in my mouth are dying. I have dry mouth, I have a film, I can feel the skin coming off, and I can't taste anything. I'm using the rinse that my nurse practitioner suggested to combat mouth sores, but I'm still frustrated. And my stomach hurts. The chemo also kills the good bacteria that grows in the intestinal tract, so my digestion is way off. I eat, but don't digest...
I'm on day #7 and I think my hair is starting to come out. No chunks or anything yet, but when I combed it out after my shower today, there was definitely more than normal in the comb. I will definitely be wig shopping in the next couple of days. And I am planning on getting a hot pink one. If not now, when? :)
When I get twinges in my breast, I like to imagine the cancer cells dying. When I was first diagnosed and felt anything, I disgustingly thought about how the disease was rapidly multiplying. Now it's on its way out. I can't wait to see the tumor shrink- to have measurable results. Both my oncologist and my surgeon think this will be the case. I still am not sure what the future of my treatment will be, though I am keeping my fingers crossed that once I have my mastectomy, my margins will be clear along with the lymph nodes.
Oh, and by the way, everyone is invited to my 30th birthday party. I used to say that this would be the last year I was going to age (I turn 29 one week from yesterday), but I have decided that my 30th birthday celebration will be a big hoopla. This cancer will be GONE, and that is a great reason to celebrate.
Now I'm recovering from my first round of chemotherapy and the haze that was this past weekend. I've been told that it only gets worse as treatment goes on- that it is harder to bounce back after each infusion- and I can't help but wonder HOW? The doctors decided on a dose dense treatment because I'm young and supposedly can handle it, but I'm really not sure I can. I've got three of my own children that I need to take care of, plus three other ones that I WANT to take care of. This is not me. I cannot be weak.
As I updated, Saturday was spent in bed. I remember barely anything. No vomitting, thank goodness, but I discovered that the meds that were keeping me from throwing up were actually causing me to not be able to keep my eyes open. When there's a warning on the bottle that says "May cause blurred vision," I might want to think twice about taking it. I feel SO much better since cutting that out. I'm definitely not 100% yet. Or even 90%. I'm probably about 75%, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get back to the 90% in order to have my little boy's birthday this weekend.
Right now, the most unpleasant thing I'm dealing with (aside from the this weekend) is the icky mouth. Chemo kills new cells, so all the cells in my mouth are dying. I have dry mouth, I have a film, I can feel the skin coming off, and I can't taste anything. I'm using the rinse that my nurse practitioner suggested to combat mouth sores, but I'm still frustrated. And my stomach hurts. The chemo also kills the good bacteria that grows in the intestinal tract, so my digestion is way off. I eat, but don't digest...
I'm on day #7 and I think my hair is starting to come out. No chunks or anything yet, but when I combed it out after my shower today, there was definitely more than normal in the comb. I will definitely be wig shopping in the next couple of days. And I am planning on getting a hot pink one. If not now, when? :)
When I get twinges in my breast, I like to imagine the cancer cells dying. When I was first diagnosed and felt anything, I disgustingly thought about how the disease was rapidly multiplying. Now it's on its way out. I can't wait to see the tumor shrink- to have measurable results. Both my oncologist and my surgeon think this will be the case. I still am not sure what the future of my treatment will be, though I am keeping my fingers crossed that once I have my mastectomy, my margins will be clear along with the lymph nodes.
Oh, and by the way, everyone is invited to my 30th birthday party. I used to say that this would be the last year I was going to age (I turn 29 one week from yesterday), but I have decided that my 30th birthday celebration will be a big hoopla. This cancer will be GONE, and that is a great reason to celebrate.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Not feeling so hot...
Yes, chemo sucks. Thursday after the infusion, I felt fine. Friday wasn't great, but I could function (managed a shower and a trip to the doctor). Saturday I barely got out of bed. I haven't been throwing up since the medicine they sent me home with takes care of that, but I am so incredibly tired. I feel like I have the flu. I can't stand too long without getting dizzy or nauseated. It takes all I have just to use the bathroom. Keep your fingers crossed that this only lasts a couple of days because I really don't know how I'll handle 4 whole months of feeling like this. The good news? One treatment down, only seven to go (we hope).
I'll try to update more when I get my wits about me. I also have some pictures I'll try to post.
I'll try to update more when I get my wits about me. I also have some pictures I'll try to post.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
The Thing Called Chemotherapy
Well, I had my first infusion today. It wasn't bad at all being in the chair. I am SO glad I went ahead with the port, because honestly, my arm veins are already exhausted. And the port is so easy; they poke my chest, tape it steady, and I'm good to go. I can bring things to do, I can bring things to eat, I can bring a friend, I just can't bring children. I will be doing this every other week for at least 4 months.
Right now I feel okay. I'm starting to feel tired, but I'm pretty sure that's because I had a long day and it's getting close to bed time. We were told that onset of "side effects" can happen anywhere from the night of treatment to four days later. I'll let everyone know when mine kick in. :) Who's willing to babysit again?
As I was walking with the nurse practitioner, I saw my oncologist in the hall. He made a point to stop me and tell me that the results from the biopsy on Tuesday were negative. Woohoo! So treatment will not change at all. I do not have cancer in the right breast. And talking about the nurse practitioner, she mentioned BRCA gene testing. Because if I am positive for that gene mutation, I might want to think about removing my ovaries, too. At first I didn't think I even wanted the test, as I already have breast cancer and have already decided on the bi-lateral mastectomy and my daughter will start screening EARLY as well... But now that she brings up ovarian cancer, I will most definitely be tested.
That's all I've got for now. Time for me to relax.
Right now I feel okay. I'm starting to feel tired, but I'm pretty sure that's because I had a long day and it's getting close to bed time. We were told that onset of "side effects" can happen anywhere from the night of treatment to four days later. I'll let everyone know when mine kick in. :) Who's willing to babysit again?
As I was walking with the nurse practitioner, I saw my oncologist in the hall. He made a point to stop me and tell me that the results from the biopsy on Tuesday were negative. Woohoo! So treatment will not change at all. I do not have cancer in the right breast. And talking about the nurse practitioner, she mentioned BRCA gene testing. Because if I am positive for that gene mutation, I might want to think about removing my ovaries, too. At first I didn't think I even wanted the test, as I already have breast cancer and have already decided on the bi-lateral mastectomy and my daughter will start screening EARLY as well... But now that she brings up ovarian cancer, I will most definitely be tested.
That's all I've got for now. Time for me to relax.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Another Biopsy
I had an MRI assited biopsy this morning of two different areas on my right breast. (My original tumor is on my left.) These two suspicious areas did not show up on my mammogram, they were seen on the MRI I had last week. We are hoping that they turn out to be benign, but if not it may change the type of treatment I get. The tumor on my left side is called a triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma. This means that it is negative for the presence of estrogen receptors, progesterone receptors, and the HER2 protein receptors. IF I had any of these (positive), they would use a drug that specifically targets those to stop the growth of the cancer cells. The biopsy today was to see if these masses had a different make-up and therefore need a different drug than what has already been planned.
It was definitely harder to do than the first biopsy and harder to recouperate from as well. I am in quite a bit of pain now, as I was last time and because I have a pretty large hematoma. Once they were done, I wouldn't stop bleeding. So now I look pretty silly with an ice pack in my bra for pressure and relief.
I was supposed to have a "chemo teach" this afternoon to let me know the ins and outs of my medications, side effects, and the like, but when I got to the office, I was told that there was a scheduling mix up and I was actually scheduled for tomorrow. I have too much going on tomorrow, so I will just have to go in an hour and a half early on Thursday in order to be educated. As far as I know, everything is still on track for me to have my first round of chemotherapy on Thursday (9/13). Both my surgeon and my oncologist should have the results from today's procedure by then.
I know a lot of people have mentioned to me to let them know if I need anything. I definitely appreciate the sentiment, but it's hard for me to ask, and I'm sure when I'm not feeling myself, it will be hard for me to delegate (and perhaps determine what I really need?). I found a very good thread in an online support community that I joined, but it was hard to read (lots of responses and quoted responses and copy and paste), so I found this. Support for loved ones during cancer treatment. You can scroll past the first part since we're not in Australia. :)
And as an FYI, my cousin has put together a team of my family members for a "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" walk on October 13 in my honor. Please consider donating to the American Cancer Society. http://main.acsevents.org/
It was definitely harder to do than the first biopsy and harder to recouperate from as well. I am in quite a bit of pain now, as I was last time and because I have a pretty large hematoma. Once they were done, I wouldn't stop bleeding. So now I look pretty silly with an ice pack in my bra for pressure and relief.
I was supposed to have a "chemo teach" this afternoon to let me know the ins and outs of my medications, side effects, and the like, but when I got to the office, I was told that there was a scheduling mix up and I was actually scheduled for tomorrow. I have too much going on tomorrow, so I will just have to go in an hour and a half early on Thursday in order to be educated. As far as I know, everything is still on track for me to have my first round of chemotherapy on Thursday (9/13). Both my surgeon and my oncologist should have the results from today's procedure by then.
I know a lot of people have mentioned to me to let them know if I need anything. I definitely appreciate the sentiment, but it's hard for me to ask, and I'm sure when I'm not feeling myself, it will be hard for me to delegate (and perhaps determine what I really need?). I found a very good thread in an online support community that I joined, but it was hard to read (lots of responses and quoted responses and copy and paste), so I found this. Support for loved ones during cancer treatment. You can scroll past the first part since we're not in Australia. :)
And as an FYI, my cousin has put together a team of my family members for a "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" walk on October 13 in my honor. Please consider donating to the American Cancer Society. http://main.acsevents.org/
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