I was warned that each treatment would become harder and harder to bounce back from. I most definitely agree. I had been feeling "good" the weekends in between treatments, but this past weekend was just "okay." Luckily I didn't experience any severe yuckiness, but the blah lasted a lot longer. Treatment #4 is on Thursday (10/25) and this will be the last one of the Adriamycin/Cytoxen drug combination. Treatment #5 begins a drug called Taxol.
I went for another ultrasound on October 12th for measurement of the tumor. It seemed to measure the same size, but the radiologist said it looked like edema in the surrounding tissue, which could indicate tumor cells breaking up. This is progress, so treatment will stay on track- no need to move up the mastectomy. We're looking at that surgery for the end of January or beginning of February. Reconstruction will depend on what is found in the lymph nodes and the need for radiation after surgery.
The bills are coming in. I'm so frustrated. A 20% copay isn't so bad when a person is perfectly healthy and only needs medications every once in a while... But when a someone is sick and needs expensive tests and medicines and surgeries, that 20% is a LOT. We're chipping away at them, but it seems as soon as I pay on one, another one shows up. It makes my anger at the whole cancer thing so much worse.
Tentative Treatments-
#4 10/25
#5 11/8
#6 11/21
#7 12/5
#8 12/19
Monday, October 22, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
Some Pictures
I have wanted to post pictures, but I just now figured out how! I think I mentioned I was new to whole blogging thing? Let me know if you have questions or want to see more. (Yes, eventually I will share the hot pink wig pictures.)
Mammogram of my left breast:
That bright white spot immediately set off red flags- "suspicious of malignancy." I would say so! Search out what a "normal" mammogram looks like.
The pre-chemo haircut:
I knew I would be losing it, so I had a friend cut it almost immediately.
The shaved head:
This is today, specifically to post on the blog.
My port placement:
One of the reasons that I am already too self conscious to wear low cut shirts.
Adriamycin: The red devil
Notice the nurse's hazmat suit? They are pumping that poison inside me, along with another chemo drug called Cytoxen.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
2 Down, More to Go
I think I'm recovering well from Treatment #2. The weekend was definitely better than treatment #1 since I made the decision not to take the specific anti nausea medicine. I still wasn't able to DO anything, but at least I was present for my family. (Thanks Mom, for spending time with the kids and cooking for us.) However, the frustration and depression really hit on Monday/Tuesday following. I found myself wondering if all this is even worth it. (Of course it is! But those thoughts still invaded my mind.)
I have reached out to an organization called the Young Survival Coalition, which is a community of women who were all diagnosed with breast cancer at age 40 and UNDER. This disease affects younger women so differently than older women and I need people who have been in my shoes. When I was so sore and tired and my boys' energy made me want to throw up, I asked them how they did it. How did they make it through the chemotherapy and multiple surgeries and radiation and the cancer LIFE... The thing that stuck with me was that they did it one day at a time. Some days are better, some days are worse. Of course when the poison that is chemo is coursing through my veins, I'm not going to feel good. I'll want to sleep. I'll need someone else to take care of my children so I can take care of myself. But tomorrow won't present the same as today. I just have to get through one day at a time.
Today I'm feeling pretty good. I'm going in public with my shaved head. Hey, it's breast cancer awareness month, I want people to be aware of my breast cancer. It started falling out almost immediately after treatment #2, so my wonderful husband shaved it for me. We match now. :) I have a wig and scarves and hats, but I really don't feel the need to use them...
Just something I want to touch on during breast cancer awareness month- Please Pink Responsibly. Do you know where your money is going when you purchase something with a pink ribbon on it? Is it going to me or other warriors? Or is it simply for the profit of whatever company produces it? Is it going to research, for a cure? Is it going to organizations and foundations who take financial burdens off warriors and survivors? I'm all for pink (happens to be my favorite color!), but I'd rather see donations go to reputable places than see a "portion of proceeds" go to that vague place I've never heard of. We're all aware of breast cancer, we're now even aware of breast cancer in a younger generation. If you need input on how to pink responsibly, I'd be happy to help.
And if you want to help me/us directly, food is always good. :)
Editing to add:
I had a follow up with my oncologist today. Just to discuss the side effects from the weekend and to look at my blood count. Everything seems to be going pretty good. Except my tumor doesn't seem to be shrinking. Granted I've only had two treatments, the size is quite large and we were hoping for something noticeable/measurable. He wants me to have an ultrasound to more accurately measure it (we have one from August to compare it to). IF for some reason the tumor has grown, we will pause the chemo and get my mastectomy done. Which means treatment will be prolonged as I have to heal enough from the bmx enough before starting treatment again.
I also received the results of my genetic test today. It turns out that I am positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation. According to my literature, this means that my lifetime (to age 70) of breast cancer is 87% and my lifetime risk of ovarian cancer is 44%. Also, my risk of breast cancer recurring after 5 years is 27%. If you factor in my "triple negative" cancer make-up, which is more aggressive and not treated with targeted therapies, I'm pretty confident in my decision to completely remove both breasts. I now have to make the decision of when to have my ovaries removed, because 44% is like saying 1 out of 2. I am NOT taking that chance. I will NOT be doing this again down the road. (And for any of my blood family reading this, you might think about getting tested too. I have no idea where the gene mutation came from. Where is the history of breast or ovarian cancer?)
A couple of links specifically about MY type of cancer:
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/idc
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis/trip_neg/behavior
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/genetic/pos_results
I have reached out to an organization called the Young Survival Coalition, which is a community of women who were all diagnosed with breast cancer at age 40 and UNDER. This disease affects younger women so differently than older women and I need people who have been in my shoes. When I was so sore and tired and my boys' energy made me want to throw up, I asked them how they did it. How did they make it through the chemotherapy and multiple surgeries and radiation and the cancer LIFE... The thing that stuck with me was that they did it one day at a time. Some days are better, some days are worse. Of course when the poison that is chemo is coursing through my veins, I'm not going to feel good. I'll want to sleep. I'll need someone else to take care of my children so I can take care of myself. But tomorrow won't present the same as today. I just have to get through one day at a time.
Today I'm feeling pretty good. I'm going in public with my shaved head. Hey, it's breast cancer awareness month, I want people to be aware of my breast cancer. It started falling out almost immediately after treatment #2, so my wonderful husband shaved it for me. We match now. :) I have a wig and scarves and hats, but I really don't feel the need to use them...
Just something I want to touch on during breast cancer awareness month- Please Pink Responsibly. Do you know where your money is going when you purchase something with a pink ribbon on it? Is it going to me or other warriors? Or is it simply for the profit of whatever company produces it? Is it going to research, for a cure? Is it going to organizations and foundations who take financial burdens off warriors and survivors? I'm all for pink (happens to be my favorite color!), but I'd rather see donations go to reputable places than see a "portion of proceeds" go to that vague place I've never heard of. We're all aware of breast cancer, we're now even aware of breast cancer in a younger generation. If you need input on how to pink responsibly, I'd be happy to help.
And if you want to help me/us directly, food is always good. :)
Editing to add:
I had a follow up with my oncologist today. Just to discuss the side effects from the weekend and to look at my blood count. Everything seems to be going pretty good. Except my tumor doesn't seem to be shrinking. Granted I've only had two treatments, the size is quite large and we were hoping for something noticeable/measurable. He wants me to have an ultrasound to more accurately measure it (we have one from August to compare it to). IF for some reason the tumor has grown, we will pause the chemo and get my mastectomy done. Which means treatment will be prolonged as I have to heal enough from the bmx enough before starting treatment again.
I also received the results of my genetic test today. It turns out that I am positive for the BRCA1 gene mutation. According to my literature, this means that my lifetime (to age 70) of breast cancer is 87% and my lifetime risk of ovarian cancer is 44%. Also, my risk of breast cancer recurring after 5 years is 27%. If you factor in my "triple negative" cancer make-up, which is more aggressive and not treated with targeted therapies, I'm pretty confident in my decision to completely remove both breasts. I now have to make the decision of when to have my ovaries removed, because 44% is like saying 1 out of 2. I am NOT taking that chance. I will NOT be doing this again down the road. (And for any of my blood family reading this, you might think about getting tested too. I have no idea where the gene mutation came from. Where is the history of breast or ovarian cancer?)
A couple of links specifically about MY type of cancer:
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/idc
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis/trip_neg/behavior
http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/genetic/pos_results
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