An update before the rant: I met with the oncologist again. I am all set to start chemotherapy on next Thursday, 9/13. I also have more "suspicious" tissue in my right breast that was found on my MRI. That will be biopsied as well to see if it is cancer and if it is, what KIND. This might dictate additional treatment.
Here's the rant: Cancer is EXPENSIVE!!! I got one bill today. Just one, from my mammogram. I am now in tears. My funeral would be cheaper. I am so angry that our insurance only covers 80% of my treatment. I am now angry our income is well above what would qulaify us for financial assistance. As if we haven't had enough financial struggles, now we have to deal with THIS.
Today was the first time I cried about this whole situation. I sat in the oncologist's office and saw a woman wearing a v-neck shirt with nice breasts. Yes I noticed, I won't pretend. I was suddenly aware that my chest has been marred forever. Even if no one will see the scars on my actual breasts, (I think I have already opted to have a double mastectomy and reconstruction), I just had a mediport inserted. I will never be able to wear a v-neck without feeling self-conscious. And I have to PAY for this disfiguration. I have to pay 20% of everything. And 100% of whatever my insurance thinks I don't need. Like apparently I didn't need that mammogram? And I had a comment (I forgive her for her ignorance) today "It's good that the insurance has to pay for new ones." I don't want the insurance to pay for new ones! I like the ones I got for free!! I have to pay for them to be removed so that they don't kill me.
I don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't know how I can focus on getting healthy and taking care of my children without feeling guilty every minute that this treatment costs so much. I don't know how I can be thankful that I am getting the treatment that I need to stay alive when it would be so much cheaper NOT to. This is not fair. The fact that I have cancer already isn't fair. The fact that we can't pay for cancer pisses me off.
i'm not sure if i've already said this but your hospital should be able to help you with the financial stuff. there are many organizations that help people with cancer and you deserve to get all the help you need. i only had to pay a small fraction of scott's bills. I'm sorry this is causing stress at the exact time when you don't need anymore stress in your life. I'm prayin for ya!
ReplyDeleteCourtney I know we haven't spoked in a long time, but you are in my prayers. I know how much cancer can cause and it sucks. Try they hospital. I know our state has aide for cancer victims look into that stuff there is help out there. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
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